If I -Welcome back to blog post #6. Here in the post we were asked to create a Counterfactual Memoir post to my previous assignment in blog post #5. This blog post will mostly remark on the "what if 's" of my previous post and what would have been different if these events didn't occur, an alternative ending . So below I have provide links that I read to help me recreate my post . Please feel free to read the post and links as well.
On that hot summer day back in July of 2017, I always wonder what would be different if he hadn't gone to pick up the herion that day. I replay this day in my head all the time 'What if" I went over there like I said I was going to , would he still be here today. I think about this day often, if my brother hadn't gone to pick up his drugs, he didn't leave my nephew alone for 2 hours what would be different today. I always ask myself these questions. Would he still be doing what he did? Would he be a different person. We he be the brother I know he would have been and the best damn dad to his boys. If I had pushed him to do better, would he still be here today. One thing I do see that would be different, is that I would have helped him to get better. I would have pushed him to become the person I know he could have been. We would be able to do what we always wanted to do with the our boys. Everything would be different , I always thought to myself if I pushed him to do better , or got him the help he needed then he would still be here today. I just re-think back to that day, if he hadn't overdosed, or what was going through his mind at the time. Why didn't he reach out, I know he thought the he had nobody on his side but I would have told him you have a little sister who cares about you dearly, who wants you to do good. What your doing is not only hurting us but your kids as well. I just wish he would of done differently but I can't be selfish about it. If he was here today I know everything would be completely different my mom wouldn't be the way she is. None of us would be hurting the way we are. I just wish he would of thought about what he was doing. If that day hadn't happened we still be going to Disney world this year with the boys like we planned. If that day was any different than what had happened. I would tell my brother I would be here for him no matter what, and that I love him, and I just wish he would of done better for himself and for his children. But no matter what outcome came out of that day , it's how you push forward , that's what really matter. I had to stop beating myself up of what had occurred, it wasn't my fault, I had to be strong and be brave for his boys as well as my own. Life is how you make the best of it, knowing the results are difficult , you learn to push forward and live with it because that's all you really can do.
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![]() Hello everyone and welcome back to blog post #5. In this post for my English Composition 100 class we were to read My Name is Margaret (Maya Angelou) and Hills Like White Elephants for insight and to create an emotional scene with Dialogue and symbolism. My story tells of the time I almost gave up after what had occurred in my life It was hard for me even to tell this story I was crying the whole time it felt like I was reliving all over again. For more insight on my scene please feel free to read my blog post.
It was a sunny summer day July 26th, 2017. It was just like any other day I was waking up getting ready for work and my son ready for school little did I know what was about to go on . I was rushing around getting things ready and then I just here talking a sobbing down stairs. I just payed it no mind and went on with what I was doing. I had a weird feeling that something wasn't right. My boyfriend yells "Hun could you come down her for a sec your Mother's her" I replied "My Mother's here for what " My mother then answered "Meghan can you please come down as she was crying" I had no idea what was going on or why she was crying. I came down stairs all ready for work as she is a mess crying I didn't know what she was about to say to me. I said to her "Mom is everything okay?" She replied "Meghan he's gone he's gone" I said "Whos gone mom what do you mean?" She then replied trying to get the words out "Your brother he's dead" I dropped to my knees, on my dining room floor crying my eyes out. I didn't know what to say or feel my body was so numb I was shaking, panicing and felt like I was going to throw up. My brother was a Heroin addict but fentanyl is what it was laced with. I watched him everyday throw his life away for this drug, this epidemic that our world is facing my family had to face the tragedy of losing my brother. I cried everyday begging him to get the help he needs to stop what he was doing that it would only get worse. He didn't care what he was doing or who it would affect he was in deep in too deep he didn't care about anything. All he cared about was how he was going to get high that day. I tried all I could to help, but I knew I could of done more. My heart felt like it was ripped out from inside me. I couldn't bare the news my mom was telling. I was speechless I just wanted to give up we had so many plans together. I wanted to give because I felt like I could of done more for him, I should have took him to get help. I never thought in my life that this would have happened. I felt hopeless, but I knew that I had to go on. The hardest part of this all was helping my mother plan her sons funeral yet my brother's none of this was suppose to happen he was suppose to get help and try and get better. I should of been there for him, and pushed him to do better, I beat myself up everyday because of it. If I was there for him no of this would of ever happened he would still be here today. But I had to come over this obstacle of him not being around. I had two kids who needed me. The struggle was real going on about life everyday I didn't want to. I wanted to give up , just didn't want to do anything anymore, but I come to realize that I couldn't do this to myself. All I have left is a Urn to remember him by no voice, no laughter not even a giggle from him. I had to keep pushing forward no matter how hard the reality was. Still till this day I miss him very dearly . Its hard to even talk about but looking at life a little differently that tomorrow is never promised anything can happen in a matter of seconds. As for me and my family this will be a day we will never forget. As I have to everyone this epidemic is real please if you need help get it don't let this be the outcome there are people out there who care. From this day forward I will always look back on this day and push myself to over come obstacles that I cannot control. I will miss him dearly but life must go on I have to move forward and over come this tragedy and that is just what I am doing its hard but its a working progress. I learn to look at life differently now. |
Meghan EllisHello and welcome to my blog page this is where i will make meaning and explore the weakness and messy processes of writing. ArchivesCategories
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