If I -Welcome back to blog post #6. Here in the post we were asked to create a Counterfactual Memoir post to my previous assignment in blog post #5. This blog post will mostly remark on the "what if 's" of my previous post and what would have been different if these events didn't occur, an alternative ending . So below I have provide links that I read to help me recreate my post . Please feel free to read the post and links as well.
On that hot summer day back in July of 2017, I always wonder what would be different if he hadn't gone to pick up the herion that day. I replay this day in my head all the time 'What if" I went over there like I said I was going to , would he still be here today. I think about this day often, if my brother hadn't gone to pick up his drugs, he didn't leave my nephew alone for 2 hours what would be different today. I always ask myself these questions. Would he still be doing what he did? Would he be a different person. We he be the brother I know he would have been and the best damn dad to his boys. If I had pushed him to do better, would he still be here today. One thing I do see that would be different, is that I would have helped him to get better. I would have pushed him to become the person I know he could have been. We would be able to do what we always wanted to do with the our boys. Everything would be different , I always thought to myself if I pushed him to do better , or got him the help he needed then he would still be here today. I just re-think back to that day, if he hadn't overdosed, or what was going through his mind at the time. Why didn't he reach out, I know he thought the he had nobody on his side but I would have told him you have a little sister who cares about you dearly, who wants you to do good. What your doing is not only hurting us but your kids as well. I just wish he would of done differently but I can't be selfish about it. If he was here today I know everything would be completely different my mom wouldn't be the way she is. None of us would be hurting the way we are. I just wish he would of thought about what he was doing. If that day hadn't happened we still be going to Disney world this year with the boys like we planned. If that day was any different than what had happened. I would tell my brother I would be here for him no matter what, and that I love him, and I just wish he would of done better for himself and for his children. But no matter what outcome came out of that day , it's how you push forward , that's what really matter. I had to stop beating myself up of what had occurred, it wasn't my fault, I had to be strong and be brave for his boys as well as my own. Life is how you make the best of it, knowing the results are difficult , you learn to push forward and live with it because that's all you really can do.
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Hello everyone and welcome back to blog post #5. In this post for my English Composition 100 class we were to read My Name is Margaret (Maya Angelou) and Hills Like White Elephants for insight and to create an emotional scene with Dialogue and symbolism. My story tells of the time I almost gave up after what had occurred in my life It was hard for me even to tell this story I was crying the whole time it felt like I was reliving all over again. For more insight on my scene please feel free to read my blog post.
It was a sunny summer day July 26th, 2017. It was just like any other day I was waking up getting ready for work and my son ready for school little did I know what was about to go on . I was rushing around getting things ready and then I just here talking a sobbing down stairs. I just payed it no mind and went on with what I was doing. I had a weird feeling that something wasn't right. My boyfriend yells "Hun could you come down her for a sec your Mother's her" I replied "My Mother's here for what " My mother then answered "Meghan can you please come down as she was crying" I had no idea what was going on or why she was crying. I came down stairs all ready for work as she is a mess crying I didn't know what she was about to say to me. I said to her "Mom is everything okay?" She replied "Meghan he's gone he's gone" I said "Whos gone mom what do you mean?" She then replied trying to get the words out "Your brother he's dead" I dropped to my knees, on my dining room floor crying my eyes out. I didn't know what to say or feel my body was so numb I was shaking, panicing and felt like I was going to throw up. My brother was a Heroin addict but fentanyl is what it was laced with. I watched him everyday throw his life away for this drug, this epidemic that our world is facing my family had to face the tragedy of losing my brother. I cried everyday begging him to get the help he needs to stop what he was doing that it would only get worse. He didn't care what he was doing or who it would affect he was in deep in too deep he didn't care about anything. All he cared about was how he was going to get high that day. I tried all I could to help, but I knew I could of done more. My heart felt like it was ripped out from inside me. I couldn't bare the news my mom was telling. I was speechless I just wanted to give up we had so many plans together. I wanted to give because I felt like I could of done more for him, I should have took him to get help. I never thought in my life that this would have happened. I felt hopeless, but I knew that I had to go on. The hardest part of this all was helping my mother plan her sons funeral yet my brother's none of this was suppose to happen he was suppose to get help and try and get better. I should of been there for him, and pushed him to do better, I beat myself up everyday because of it. If I was there for him no of this would of ever happened he would still be here today. But I had to come over this obstacle of him not being around. I had two kids who needed me. The struggle was real going on about life everyday I didn't want to. I wanted to give up , just didn't want to do anything anymore, but I come to realize that I couldn't do this to myself. All I have left is a Urn to remember him by no voice, no laughter not even a giggle from him. I had to keep pushing forward no matter how hard the reality was. Still till this day I miss him very dearly . Its hard to even talk about but looking at life a little differently that tomorrow is never promised anything can happen in a matter of seconds. As for me and my family this will be a day we will never forget. As I have to everyone this epidemic is real please if you need help get it don't let this be the outcome there are people out there who care. From this day forward I will always look back on this day and push myself to over come obstacles that I cannot control. I will miss him dearly but life must go on I have to move forward and over come this tragedy and that is just what I am doing its hard but its a working progress. I learn to look at life differently now. Welcome back my friends. In this blog post blog post I had to read 3 articles discussing the writing process. After reading the articles I had to create a scene in which I was engaging with the authors discussing the writing process and using 3 quotes from each one and also 3 from myself on how I feel about the writing process.. I had a fun time with this writing assignment using my creative style where I had a snack date at a local dairy queen with these 3 authors. Don Murray, Mary Karr, and Anne lamott. These pieces were amazing to read and it gave me a different look and aspect at writing, and how to approach it. Here are the links provided below feel free to check them out. I encourage you to do so.
Oh boy! It's a hot one out here today! Just walking down the street, I could feel the gazing hot sun beating down on my face. Well I thought to myself it's a perfect day to get some ice-cream at the dairy queen. So as I was strolling down the street I see these three people riding bikes slowing down the street discussing the writing process. OMG!! I thought to myself that I have a blog assignment I need to do about the writing process. Maybe I should intrude. No ,that's not me I didn't want to. So I just kept to myself and continued walking to the dairy queen. Well little did I know these 3 people also were headed to the dairy queen, So I kindly interrupted them i heard you discussing the writing process and i kind of intrigued me what's your name. They all began saying their name hi I'm Don Murray this is Mary Karr and that's Anne Lamott. So I just stood there and didn't know what to say so I just began with Um hi I overheard you guys while you were riding bikes talking about the writing process and I was very amazed about it, I'm kind of stuck on my blog post I have that's due on Sunday and I was wondering if you guys could help me out a little, “I'm horrible at writing, I mean I'm not the greatest so i kind of simply give up at time”. So we all sat down and all ordered some ice cream and discussed this writing process. So I began saying to them all, “I always worry if my writing is good enough or should I just trust the process?” So Don chimed in, “ the writing process itself can be divided into 3 stages: pre-writing, writing, and rewriting” I looked at him with a stunned look at my face and replied this is a very unique technique to learn from. Don simply then said, "We must listen carefully for those words that may reveal the truth, that may reveal a voice.” “What works one time may not another. All writing is experimental." But the problem is I always have trouble finding where to begin and then I just simply give up, the anxiety starts and then stress comes. Then I thought to myself, “Writing is just a process it's really how you self reflect on it and make meaning of it." Don simply began to say “we have to be patient and wait and wait and wait." Mary began interrupting Don with her advice, “Before you can work consciously , though, you go through a phase of developing a critical self." Well, Mary i never thought of it like that but you make it sound so easy. Mary replied with, "I am not much of a writer,but I am a stubborn little bull dog of a reviser." We started laughing. I told her well maybe one day I will have you revise my paper for me. She chuckled and said “In the long run the revision process feels better if you approach it with curiosity.” I thank her for her help and told her I will put her advice into work. I began a conversation with Anne. I would love to hear your voice on the writing process as well. Anne stated ” The amount of material may be so overwhelming that it can make your brain freeze.” I simply said “your brain freeze” so mind boggled Anne said aloud “You might want to start by writing down everything you can remember." ”Shitty first drafts. All good writers write them.” I was amazed by all the great techniques they approached with the writing process. I simply was in awe. I thanked them from the bottom of my heart for all of the unique advice I can use in my writing process. I simply couldn't wait to go home and start my assignment. I was excited just to begin writing down all that I could. I simply finished up my ice cream and ran home just to begin my assignment, relaxing that i was ahead of myself and I was just going a mile a minute with my writing. I was so happy to finally make meaning with my writing and complete my assignment. Blog post #3, here we are again back at my writing hoping its getting better as weeks go on. I still can't believe I have my own website and I'm writing for the world to see anyway, I had the pleasure of reading A Fable for the Living (Kevin Brockmeier) This story was completely amazing. I'm not gonna lie I actually choked up whiled reading this story. I felt like I was there with her while she was telling it that's how amazing and painful it was to read about. I didn't want the story to end. This story was about a widow woman who wrote a letter to her author-self about her loved one to try and find her self again.
Dear Cindy Lu, Where have you been? It seems like its been forever since we last talked. I'm sorry it took me so long to talk to you again. I was just in fear, afraid to look back in the past on what has occurred. I didn't think I could ever write again. Its been hard since giving up and letting it go, never pushing forward. Every since the death of George seems like everything changed I just drifted away its not you its me. I never thought I would be the same again, didn't think I could go on from something so tragic, watching it happen day after day, the struggle he went through. I couldn't do anything about it nothing at all I kept beating myself up inside . I tried talking to him, crying to him, but nothing worked, he just gave up I prayed everyday he would get better from this epidemic it just got worse. Do you ever think to you self for a second how hard writing is ? What to write about or where to even begin. I do all the time. It gets so frustrating just sitting there mind boggled not knowing what to write. You been at it for hours or even days and nothing just completely nothing. Its the worst feeling in the world, the anxiety , the stress, the gut wrenching feeling inside. I tried so many time to write you but I couldn't I just want to stay in my shell. Just wanted to go away wanted, never go outside or anywhere ever again. This is what I feel when I come to writing. Its like trying to turn the T.V. on with no remote. Complete silence. That's exactly how it feels. Did you ever wonder that? Its so hard, harder then you think, it just kept me so distant from you. It just seemed easier this way to separate. But its time I'm ready, ready to let go and start over again, letting go of the fears of what could have been, and just move on from the past. I can't change the fact that he is no longer here or the hurt I am feeling inside but I know he wouldn't want me to give up on my writing, because its what we used to do together all the time. But writing now I generally am feeling a slight closeness to you. I kept thinking to myself how am I going to go about this how will I succeed in my writing, I have giving up on it ill never be where I wanna be, since he passed away. Then I thought to myself this is it, my time is now and I need help , I need to find that person again. I need to let go and try and live life they way he would want me to its easier said than done. So here it is the steps I will take to prove to you that I'm never turning my back again. First I will always keeps up with my blog posts and any assignments giving. I will always make sure my work is completed on time even if it needs adjustments, time management is the key. Lastly I will always make sure to try and start my work on time and not wait until the last minute, sometimes this gets the best of me but I'm hoping you will help me out. This will give me advantages and will help me practice my unique writing skills. I promise this time around I will be better, I wont stress my self out, I will not give up. I will make sure that I take the time I need and put the effort into writing. I feel more confident now writing to you and expressing my feelings about my writing, I promise to never give up and I wont let you down. I will write more often and simply ask for your advice on things with my writing, please understand that it wasn't intentional I didn't mean to stay so distant. I just simply gave up for a while after George passed but I promise I am going to be back stronger then ever. I hope that one day you can forgive me and we can look past this. Sincerely, Meghan The main focus on my blog post #2 is to grab my audience attention on the kind of writer i am and intend to be. It will sow them how it will relate to me and how i will grow with each post. It will help me become a more advised writer in my English Composition I class. I hope will reading my post it will persuade you to create one as well. Below are the following readings i have read to create my Multimodal post.
Why are we creating a website for our English Composition I course? We are creating this website to grow as a writer , to show and express our idenity on what writing means to us. To teach us on how to make meaning of writing and the purpose of writing which is not only going to be viewd by classmates by worldwide.
The Proust Questionnaire
Hello my name is Meghan Ellis, this is my first Blog post for English Comp 1. I am really excited to share with you things about me. This post is based off questions that originated from a French writer Marcel Proust. The questions revel the true identity and nature of ones-self. The questions and my answers will be provided below if you would like to check them out feel free. The Proust Questionnaire. __1.__What is your idea of perfect happiness? My idea of perfect happiness is a healthy lifestyle of routine. Focusing on important things rather than the negative, but live a happy life style you must make sure your happy first because it all comes down to you. __2.__What is your greatest fear? My greatest fear is dying. I know it will eventually come, not sure how or when but I fear it to come everyday. __3.__What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? __4.__What is the trait you most deplore in others? __5.__Which living person do you most admire? I most admire my Mother. With everything that this woman has been through , to losing her parents, my dad, and also my brother 2 years ago. I couldn't imagine what she is going through or what is going through her mind from losing my brother all that i know is she is strong and pushes through each day. But I know deep down inside the pain will always be there the hurt of what could have been done to prevent the death of my brother I admire her for her strength and courage to go on each day. __6.__What is your greatest extravagance? Shopping! I love going out shopping and getting new things I’m like a kid on Christmas! __7.__What is your current state of mind? I honestly don't know what my current state of mind is , it keeps wondering so I really couldn't tell you. __8.__What do you consider the most overrated virtue? I honestly have know idea. __9.__On what occasion do you lie? I rarely lie, but if I had to, I would like to my kids for a good cause if it means well we all tell some white lies here and there. __10.__What do you most dislike about your appearance? I dislike my smile. __11.__Which living person do you most despise? Donald trump. __12.__What is the quality you most like in a man? Someone who can make me laugh, Loyalty especially, and someone who is themselves and not change who they are I don't like fake people. __13.__What is the quality you most like in a woman? Well if i was i guy i would have the same answer to the above question. __14.__Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Follow your heart. __15.__What or who is the greatest love of your life? My children and my fiance are the greatest loves of my life. __16.__When and where were you happiest? When i was on the beach for vacation, I didn't have a care in the world about home and nobody was bothering me because my phone was turned off. __17.__Which talent would you most like to have? I would love to be able to sing. __18.__If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? That i wouldn’t struggle with anxiety or panic attacks on a daily basis they get in they way and sometimes I can”t control to the point where I don’t want to be bothered and i hate that about myself. __19.__What do you consider your greatest achievement? Starting my career and getting my New house. __20.__If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? A butterfly. __21.__Where would you most like to live? I would most live in Florida or Vermont. __22.__What is your most treasured possession? My most treasured possession is my children Aiden and Timmy __23.__What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? I don't know __24.__What is your favorite occupation? A Pediatric Nurse. __25.__What is your most marked characteristic? It all depends who I am around. __26.__What do you most value in your friends? Someone who is laugh and someone who can make me laugh i hate being around boring people who do absolutely nothing. __27.__Who are your favorite writers? My favorite writer is Jane Austen, I love reading her love stories. Always can get into a love story. __28.__Who is your hero of fiction? I don’t have one __29.__Which historical figure do you most identify with? Don’t really have one i can relate to __30.__Who are your heroes in real life? My heroes are my mother and my father. __31.__What are your favorite names? My favorite names are Kelsey and Mackenzie in a girl names and in boy names Logan and Thomas. __32.__What is it that you most dislike? I most dislike and despise a liar. I hate someone who lies it gets you nowhere you're better off just telling the truth even if its gonna hurt someone. __33.__What is your greatest regret? My greatest regret was no finishing nursing school when I was pregnant with my oldest, but here I am now back at it. __34.__How would you like to die? I would like to die peacefully in my sleep. __35.__What is your motto? My motto would be live every second to the fullest because tomorrow is never promised. |
Meghan EllisHello and welcome to my blog page this is where i will make meaning and explore the weakness and messy processes of writing. ArchivesCategories
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